Abstract

Our minds are always running. Prior to 2011, no one ever told me that there was a
possibility of our mind becoming full. Full, based on all things seen and handled by
police officers on a daily basis. If, when I started this career in 2001, one of my buddies
would have said, Lamar, one day you are going to be on the phone with a guy that shoots
his wife then himself, you will arrive at a house fire and as you lean in the window
reaching for the man that was trying to get out, he would be overcome by fire. And you
would watch him burn to death. One day you will listen as a kid, trapped in a wrecked
vehicle will burn to death as he yells for you to help. You will kneel down, hold the hand
of your law enforcement brother as he slowly dies, he will try and beg you for help, but
will only be able to choke on his own blood. You will watch as the life slips from his
body. You will be involved in fights, car chases where people would be killed; you will
deal with crack mothers, emotionally, sexually and deceased children. You will see six-
month-old twins laying in a crib, beside each other, one holding the hand of the other, as
if it was comforting the other, as the mother suffocated both of them because they would
not stop crying. You will see an unstable mother take a hatchet and chop up three of her
kids, believing when her religious beliefs says to punish by the sword, it was taken
literally.